In’s and Out’s

(c) 2015 Edward C Lunnon / 8 years 9 months ill … / Physical: Deuce – Mental: Adv ED

Last Wednesday, I started writing a blog in the hospital radiographer’s waiting room (see In the Waiting Room). 

I didn’t finish it because i was called in for an ultrasound of my hip, which has been giving endless bouts of pain. An hour and a half later, and I had been IN and OUT. I would get the results the next day, which proved all clear!

So now, it’s pins, patches and pills for the pain. And so far, two pain-free days!

So, it’s been that kind of week – a time of in’s and out’s!

Me at  the radiographer, and this morning, me OUT at the Valley Market IN Port Elizabeth’s Baakens Valley. Together with thousands of others, I went to experience PE’s first artisanal food market – an authentic market experience where unique and creative kinds of food are available, from exotic paella and gourmet burgers to artisanal chocolate and fresh fruits and vegetables. It wasn’t a quick IN and OUT!

It’s a great start to a new monthly experience, and a portion of the proceeds goes to charity – Love Story, run by none other than the wife of King’s captain, Luke Watson, and friends. Long may it prosper, and may the Baakens Valley soon also prosper with all the development earmarked there.

                

Sepp Blatter, no introductions needed, was also IN and OUT this week. Danny Jordaan was IN as Mayor of Nelson Mandela Metropolitan Municipality. Watch this space as to when he will be OUT! Nkandla is still IN and many would wish that No 1 was OUT! Panayiotou is IN and not OUT, and $100 million was given OUT by the SA Government but never went IN to the West Indies Development account. A number of FIFA executives are OUT of FIFA and IN prison.

The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, David Cameron, was IN again, and the leader of the Labour Party, Ed Milliband, and that of the Social Democrats, Nick Clegg, are OUT.

Sr Gill, my carer IN the Hospice, is soon to be OUT – as a result of austerity measures and retrenchments! It will be a sad day when she leaves at the end of June. We went OUT to the Hospice fundraiser which was IN the Feathermarket Hall. It’s always a good evening of music, and in addition I got to make a brief plea for donations which raised an additional R12000! Thank you all for taking the money OUT of your wallets and purses and putting it IN the Hospice baskets.

“Neil Diamond” sang IN the Old Grey Hall so I went OUT to that. Isaac continues to come IN and OUT on Thursdays and Annette, Jane Woodin, Liz Findlay and I went OUT for coffee at the new coffee shop IN the Valley. I’ve forgotten its name – forgetting is not ruled OUT at this stage of one’s life and is definitely IN mine at the moment!

All in all, I’ve been IN a lot lately and not getting OUT as much as in he past. It takes some getting used to!

I’ve been IN considerable pain and not OUT of the woods yet. IN a way, I was hoping they would find something at the hospital so that they could take it OUT.

So I’m IN the storm – let’s ride it OUT! 

PS The best of all: the electricity hasn’t been OUT all week so we’ve not been IN the dark for a while!

Grey Staff Soiree (2)

I have had numerous queries to share the jokes I told at the Grey Soirée. Here goes:

Braai rules

1.   The woman buys the food

2.   The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3.   The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the fire – beer in hand.

4.  The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

5.   The man places the meat on the grid.

6.   The woman goes inside to organise the plates and the cutlery.

7.   The woman comes outside to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her.

Important again:

8.   The man takes the meat off the grid and hands it to the woman.

More routine …

9.   The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

10.  After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

11. Everyone praises the Man and Thanks Him for his cooking efforts.

12. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off”. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

Difficult to say when drunk

Innovative, Preliminary, Proliferation, Cinnamon, No thanks I’m married

Wine

If we drink 1 litre of water every day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed 1 kilo of EColi bacteria found in faeces.

However, we do not run that risk whe drinking wine and beer because alcohol has to go through a purification process.

Remember then that Water = Poop and Wine = Health

Therefore its better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap.

And

Wine does not make you fat. It makes you lean … against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

Liewe Lena

Ek het ‘n man wat ek nie kan vertrou nie. Hy verneuk my so baie, ek weet nie eers of die kind wat ek verwag syne is nie!

Things you can only get away with saying at Christmas:

I prefer breasts to legs

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

Smother the butter all over the breasts

If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst

I’ve never seen a better spread

Are you ready for seconds yet?

It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

just wait your turn, you’ll get some

Dont play with your meat!

Why is Santa’s sack so big? He only comes once a year.

I wonder why they don’t play golf at the Paralympics. They all have handicaps.

Are there specified parking places for the non-disabled at the Paralympics?