Grey Staff Soiree (2)

I have had numerous queries to share the jokes I told at the Grey Soirée. Here goes:

Braai rules

1.   The woman buys the food

2.   The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3.   The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the fire – beer in hand.

4.  The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

5.   The man places the meat on the grid.

6.   The woman goes inside to organise the plates and the cutlery.

7.   The woman comes outside to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her.

Important again:

8.   The man takes the meat off the grid and hands it to the woman.

More routine …

9.   The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

10.  After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

11. Everyone praises the Man and Thanks Him for his cooking efforts.

12. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off”. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

Difficult to say when drunk

Innovative, Preliminary, Proliferation, Cinnamon, No thanks I’m married

Wine

If we drink 1 litre of water every day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed 1 kilo of EColi bacteria found in faeces.

However, we do not run that risk whe drinking wine and beer because alcohol has to go through a purification process.

Remember then that Water = Poop and Wine = Health

Therefore its better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap.

And

Wine does not make you fat. It makes you lean … against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

Liewe Lena

Ek het ‘n man wat ek nie kan vertrou nie. Hy verneuk my so baie, ek weet nie eers of die kind wat ek verwag syne is nie!

Things you can only get away with saying at Christmas:

I prefer breasts to legs

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

Smother the butter all over the breasts

If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst

I’ve never seen a better spread

Are you ready for seconds yet?

It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

just wait your turn, you’ll get some

Dont play with your meat!

Why is Santa’s sack so big? He only comes once a year.

I wonder why they don’t play golf at the Paralympics. They all have handicaps.

Are there specified parking places for the non-disabled at the Paralympics?